Thorburn Family

For many years I woke up to the grandmotherly voice of Elisabeth Elliot on her radio program, Gateway To Joy.  I devoured her newsletter, and obtained nearly every resource she recommended and every book she wrote.   I remember being shocked when Elisabeth and her daughter Valerie Shepherd, an outstanding mother of eight children (for whom our own Valerie is named), calmly suggested that babies and toddlers could be trained to sit happily during a church service, a wedding, or any event that required a chunk of quiet sitting.  While I was still choking on my coffee, digesting that idea, she added that for generations before us, this was a regular practice and an expected part of good child-training.  Hmm…ok, I’m listening..   

My dear mentor went on to explain how it was done.  While at that time we’d never seen such a thing in person, and doubted that any child from our gene pool could accomplish such a feat.. we decided to give it a go.  At that time, Valerie was 5 or 6 months, and Lydia was 2 1/2.  

In a very short time, Rich & I began to enjoy the freedom of having both parents be able to enjoy a church service or other event (no nursery needed!) the confidence that we could “go anywhere and do anything,” babies happily in tow. A bonus was that it prevented the less pleasant transition period where one decides to all of a sudden train a toddler to sit at age 2, 3, or 4, when it is actually much harder (been there/done that, too–a few times!).

Far more important than the immediate benefits and how it made our lives easier, we think this early training was a big part of forming their tastes.  They were and are engaged, from very early ages.  Because their focus wasn’t on white-knuckling self-control for sitting by age 2, 3, 4.. they could focus and grasp “bigger things” earlier.  

I am not remotely suggesting that this is a required exercise for all who want to be “good parents,” or that children of any age should be sitting with their parents at every event the family attends — we don’t think that.  You can take it or leave this baby sitting thing.  But, for those who want to check it out, I’ll post here an article that Elisabeth Elliot put in her newsletter long ago.  We’ve seen it successfully applied in scores of families over the years.  We also recently found some much better articles on this little subject, and some that also pertain more to training toddlers to sit contentedly.   Different ideas from different families but all helpful to add to the pot.  I’m not going to post them on the blog, but just drop me a line if you’d like a copy.  

A Baby Can Learn To Rest, by Esther Ann Morey

“One of the best things I ever did was start a quiet time with our son when he was about 5 months old (just starting to sit up). I would hold him on my lap and have a quiet time. I gently restricted his movement into a small range by holding his wrists loosely. He could move, but not a whole lot. There we would sit without any entertainment for about 5 minutes, if he was compliant. If he resisted and threw a fit, the five minutes would start after the fit was over. And a fit he did throw! For the first few days he was really mad! He would scream, and I would whisper, ‘Rest,’ and ‘I love you’ in his ear while he took his breath for the next scream. The first few days he would be in a rage for about 20 minutes–an eternity it seemed! After his crying changed from anger to repentance and his movements stopped fighting me, I would start the 5 minutes, whispering encouraging things in his ear from time to time, and then say cheerfully, ‘It’s over! Time to get down!’ After a week or two of doing this almost daily, his crying times got shorter and shorter and then disappeared altogether. His nervous system learned to come to rest. He actually began to ENJOY our quiet time together! I began slowly stretching our quiet time, adding 5 minutes to it each week until I was up to 20 minutes. After that, I could take him anywhere — to church, to gatherings, to presentations — and he would sit quietly and contentedly on my lap. People would comment how lucky I was to have a child that would sit still like that. They thought he was born that way! If they only knew…I believe this was a very beneficial part of our discipline in the first year. Before he knew the meaning of, ‘no,’ he was taught how to ’shut down’ and how to come to rest. It also taught him that what he wants to do sometimes has to be put on hold.” (printed in the Elisabeth Elliot newsletter in the 90’s)

Since bringing Benjamin home, we have been recalling the precious first days.  Here are some precious first memories of Jubilee, our oldest adopted kiddo who joined our family at 4 1/2 in an adoption that was completely unplanned by us, but perfectly planned by God. Jubilee is currently about to turn 13:

**Jubilee realizing, all of a sudden, why I was there with her in Colorado.  She popped her head up out of bed, eyes completely wide open, intensely meeting my gaze.  ”Are you going to be my new Mommy?” she asked.   Words from a very traumatized and confused kiddo who could barely put a sentence together at that point.. this one, I couldn’t avoid.  She was earnest.  I couldn’t give her a for-sure answer because all the legal things were not in my hands.  I didn’t want to promise her anything and be another trauma to her life when it didn’t work out.   I prayed for wisdom real quick.. and answered, “Do you want me to be your new Mommy?”  ”YES!!!!”  I took her hand, said “OK, let’s ask God if I could be your new Mommy,”  and started praying with her that I could be her new mommy.   Four days later, I was able to tell her “God said yes.”   Happy day!  

**Giving Jubilee a baby doll during her our first days together, and teaching her all day in specific ways to nurture it like “a good mommy.”   This went a long way on a number of fronts. 

**Having Jubilee come to me 5 months after joining our family, after a conversation with her sisters about how we named them, saying, “Mommy!  I want a ‘new, special name, too!!!!’”   She got one!

**Having Jubilee inform perfect strangers on a regular basis of every detail of her life, from varying points of view.  We’ve turned some heads and fumbled through some interesting explanations… it wasn’t funny then, but I cherish the memories now.

**Trying to explain the concept of who God is to Jubilee.. she kept saying, “Is He pixie dust?”

**2 AM, bus station in Albany, NY, after at least 15 difficult hours of travel with Jubilee and Josiah:  Jubilee jumps out and runs spread-armed (like the movies) towards Valerie and Lydia.. “LYDIA!!! VALERIE!!!”  They embraced and have been tight ever since.   Praise God.

**Lydia, probably the best big sister on earth.. quietly singing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” with Jubilee as we rode from the bus station to our apartment.  We sat in the dark listening, wondering what the future would hold with these children.  

**We have some adorable videos of Jubilee singing “Wonderful Grace Of Jesus” at the top of her lungs, swinging her blond hair back and forth, at 4 1/2 years old.  This is probably in the top three of my favorite memories of Jubilee.  She knew every verse of it within 1 month of arriving home.  She could not remember that e says “eh”.. for over a year, and she tried so hard.  The brain, and the effects of trauma in a little life, are an amazing thing.  Yet, she learned every verse of at least 20 hymns and some other songs very quickly.  They were a comfort to her and a blessing in so many ways.  Jubilee loved, loved, loved running around the house singing and dancing.  Her jubilant spirit continues to light up our house today in the same way!  She hasn’t lost one bit of her sweetness.  

Those days of our first adoption were actually quite hard because of the way the twins came, the adoption’s unexpected nature, their needs & our inexperience, and many other reasons. In some ways, we didn’t savor the sweetness of things until years later.  God used all of it in our lives greatly over time, all for good, and we are sooo thankful that Jubilee can laugh about being part of our “first adoption experiment.”   When we remember the hard stuff, we are thankful for it, and so thankful that we have these sweet memories of our blond-haired cutie and the precious first days we enjoyed with her.

Here are some pictures that we thought you’d like to see.  Most of us are sick with a good ‘ole stomach bug.  We just wanted to make sure you knew that we are still alive…. barely.. :P Love, Lydia

In our quest to learn how to “reach the world from our living room,” we have looked to older, fruitful families for ideas and inspiration.  This week, our inspiration and instruction have come from orphans, and we’d like to share their story with you: 

Every day, children from the streets come to the gate at a certain African orphanage for a little food, and sometimes to have their picture taken, hoping to some day be allowed to live within its walls.  The residents of the orphanage are also children who once lived on the streets.  Because of the giving of their sponsors, they now receive three meals a day, clothing, medical care, and spiritual training. 

One week recently, thirty-seven children from nearby towns died of starvation, and the  children in the orphanage heard of it.  They called a meeting.  All children who were aged fourteen and above attended; no staff, no adults.  A little while later, they emerged with their solution. 

The teen orphans decided that they would, from that day on, skip one meal each day, and that those meals would be delivered to the children on the streets.  Most of the children who died were between ages three and seven, so they decided to target that age group.  The teen orphans also haul water for them, and make sure they are fed.  Some spoon-feed those too weak to feed themselves.  While their stomachs are growling from missing their regular meal, these young men and women are serving others. 

The pastor who is running the orphanage wrote, “Without my knowledge or understanding, God is raising up missionaries right here in our orphanage.  I have done completely nothing to make them missionaries for God.  It is God doing it.”  I thank God for this.  Let us put them in prayer.  Tell their sponsors [what is happening].” 

How do teen-aged children whose needs are met become compelled to give.. not just give, but sacrifice to give?It is probably because they remember their previous state.  They were once starving children in the street, waiting at the gate for something to eat.  If it were not for their sponsors’ giving, that is exactly where they would be today, if they’d lived at all. 

For those of you who have personally tasted what it is to go from being spiritually starved (dead, really), living a futile life, burdened by sin and without hope — to being saved by God through Jesus Christ, you understand this phenomenon.  It has radically changed your life.  We have been transferred into a life where our sins are forgiven, and we are not longer enslaved without hope to serving ourselves and our own desires.  Eternity in heaven is secure, and it’s all through no doing of our own!!!!   It’s the most radical, amazing thing ever!  Our “Sponsor,” Jesus Christ, has met ALL our needs, and it’s a done deal.  We can’t possibly stop there.  You hear of people “on the street” and your heart is burdened — you remember your previous state, and that we could do nothing to help ourselves, and that we were rescued!  There is nothing we can do with this information and transformation, except to go forward to do “good works which He has prepared beforehand for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10).  Feed the children, be the “sponsor,” miss a couple meals :-), rescue those who need rescuing, witness the gospel.  We cannot save everyone.  There is much work to be done and we each cannot do it all.  But we absolutely can do whatever we should do.  Seek God with us to always know what it is that we should be doing, for those who live far, and those in our own communities.  

If you aren’t 100% sure this radical change has happened in your heart, and you don’t see the evidence of this supernatural change in your life, please see the page entitled “The Main Teaching Of The Bible” on this blog to find out how you, too, can be free.  There is a Sponsor who gave His very life to rescue YOU.

I’m excited to tell you about a special place in Welkum, South Africa, in the Matjhebang region of the Free State: The Pines is a Christian Care Center for children who have been orphaned by the HIV/AIDS pandemic. 

In 2005, long-time missionaries David (now home with the Lord) and Sally Seefried, initiated the start of a compassion village for orphans, and have seen God bless the effort. Now, Amber & Louis O’Tool, and Lois & Brian Neihoff are serving full-time at The Pines.

By God’s gracious hand, the old Harmony Gold Company donated property and buildings, which continue to be renovated to house children. Each child is placed into a “family” with a carefully-chosen house mother who is a believer and follower of Jesus Christ. The children are cared for physically, spiritually trained w/sound teaching, well-educated, and raised within their South African culture but within Biblical principles. Imagine what some of these children can do for their ravaged continent in the decades to come!!!! As they receive funds, apartments or flats are built and furnished for 6 children and a house mother. As God provides, they open another flat, and accept more children. People from the USA often do short-term missions trips there to help with building, tutoring, etc.

The only answer to the AIDS pandemic is lives changed by the gospel. The need there is simply staggering. One worker there said, “Sometimes, we feel like what we are doing is just a drop in the bucket.. Then we remember that God holds the bucket.. and it’s HIS bucket.”If you would like to help fill that bucket and contribute to what is going on at the Pines,visit http://www.niehoffsa.com/, http://www.otoolsa.com or http://www.myaimi.org/thepinesIt costs $30 or $40 to support an orphan for a month. 100% of the money goes to your orphan. Check back to our blog soon for some ideas for how to make responding to these opportunities possible for your family, even on a very limited budget.

Whatever we do, whatever the mission, let’s live radically, passionately, intentionally, and intelligently to honor and glorify the Lord Jesus Christ. He is the only Answer, not only to the AIDS pandemic, but for each of our own lives and eternity.

We got this sibling picture a few weeks ago with our new little brother.  Hurray!  Now, all we have to do is get a whole-family picture with Benjamin, and we’ll be up to date!  Mom and Dad are trying to squeeze it into our busy calendar and find a $10 package deal (of course).                           :P  Love, Lydia 

Ever since my friend Tiffany told me about the Girl Talk blog www.girltalk.blogs.com, it’s been a quick, encouraging part of nearly every day! On the blog, the Mahaney ladies — CJ Mahaney’s wife and three grown daughters — share their lives and thoughts, and some great resources, too. Our three daughters and I also happen to be going through the book Girl Talk, written by Carolyn Mahaney (mom), and Nicole Whitacre (one of the grown daughters) for moms and teen daughters to do together.  Stupendous! Regardless of whether or not you have daughters to do the book with…. check out the BLOG for some GREAT stuff. If you are a girl of any age, Girl Talk is the blog for you! There’s a link to it in the right column of our blog. Be encouraged, be challenged, and have some fun!