Thorburn Family

Our first Jammy Ride.  It will not be the last!!!  Kisses and jammies and sleep-tights.. lights off.. half of them asleep…and 45 minutes later… The lights went on.  The music is playing!!  The engine is revving…. and Dad and Mom yell, “Jammy Ride!!”  Here we go.. get in the van…no, don’t change out of your pajamas…..  (Lydia.. “Mom, don’t you think you guys could have done this in the daytime?? LOL… sensible child.. where did she come from??? LOL)….  Out into the rain, buckle everyone in.. “I think I know where we are going,” says one.. “nope.. we passed it… “  LOL…  Well, this first Jammy Ride was to McDonalds for sundaes.  Great conversation and lots of laughs.   Then back to bed.   A tradition has begun.  You never know when the next JAMMY RIDE will be!!!!!  Thanks, Nancy Wilson, for the idea!    (Nancy’s blog is http://femina.reformedblogs.com and Jammy Rides are under the Child Rearing section) 

I am actually taller than my Mom but I was crouching down :^)  

Benjamin has been VERY excited about the idea of “doing chores,” and today he was officially given his first Chore Pack.  It just bascially contains his morning routine.. use the bathroom, wash face, brush hair, get dressed, put pajamas away.. stuff like that.  He also gets to feed the cat, set the table (good way to learn left & right & counting), and “help Mommy” cook in her food prep slot before breakfast.  Since he cannot read yet, his Chorepack has pictures (a wonderful bonus of using the Choreware program), and he’s already memorized what each picture means!   Daddy is Benjamin’s partner from 5 to 5:30 AM and Mommy has Ben from 5:30 to 6 AM (obviously we trumped our older children’s votes that each of them be his chore partner.. LOL).    He’s got an evening & Saturday Chore Pack, too!   Of course, the goal is that Benjamin will do each item in his personal routine & and age-appropriate household jobs properly without any help or reminders, in the time alloted on the schedule for chores.  But for a good long while, our little cowboy will continue having a partner showing him the ropes. :^)   Lucky us!  It’s so fun having a little guy in the house again — what an awesome job parenting is!

The kids went to the Cornish Fair yesterday and Valerie was happy to find a first place ribbon for her items in Sculpture and second place in the Special Exhibits category!   The picture below is one we had on hand of part of her miniature clay sculptures, and when we receive the items from the fair again, we’ll post a picture of the rest.  Valerie has made extremely detailed miniatures of a tiny apartment, complete with bunk beds, clothing hangers, tools, and pretty much anything at all you could need in a super-mini home :-).   There’s also a great collection of animal sculptures.  How she manages the detail she gets at such a small scale, we don’t know.  She’s had a wonderful art teacher for a few years, Linda Hammond, and we have enjoyed seeing her talents developed in various mediums.  Great job, Val!

Little spotlight on Lydia this fine Tuesday :^)… she is almost 15, recently turned in her glasses for contacts, and just started her own blog.  If you would like to check it out, here’s the link:  http://visionsofmercy.blogspot.com    We have discussed the fact that anything you write into cyberspace can be held against you for the rest of your life (and since Lydia and I are so much alike… of course, I have some cause for concern! LOL  just kidding honey..sorta :-)).  Lydia is going into 10th grade, still home-schooled.  Her courses include World Views (which encompasses literature, writing, social sciences, etc), Chemistry, Geometry, and Spanish II.   She’s a wonderful daughter and a great big sister….. 

10 weeks has flown by… but we almost can’t remember what life was like before Benjamin arrived home.  We remember the first time we met him at his school.  A long line of children.. our first glimpse…Benjamin was the last one.. and the smallest… his backpack seemed as big as he!  As we got face to face, he was jumping up and down, all smiles and giggling.. “This is your new Mommy and Daddy,” his worker Mary said..  it was truly a precious meeting.  He turned around and told a whole bunch of people coming up that “this is my new Mommy and Daddy!!!”   He was (and is) a beautiful picture of big, brown eyes and perfect, tiny hands..

In the last 10 weeks, Benjamin has had tons of medical testing… all clear except for some indication that he has hidden allergies.   He’ll be tested for some more specific items soon.  There seems to be no indication that his smallness is due to a metabolic disorder or other problem.  In October, we meet with his Neurodevelopmentalist for his first evaluation & program to address some developmental delays.  However, we already see improvement in speech and other areas.  He’s a lot like Jubilee was.. give him the right day to day activities, structure and attention, sleep and nutrition, and his development will probably come along at lightning speed.

Our boy of 100 smiles a day loves just about everything.. except baths..but that is getting better. :^) Benjamin is crazy about dancing and singing.  When he came, we used to say, “this is a child who LOVES to sing but seems to know NO songs..”  So he would go around making singing noises with no words.. quite interesting, kind of sad…  Of course, we got right on that, and started teaching him songs & hymns.  Loves to wrestle with Daddy and Jesse.. he’s pretty tough!    Loves books!  He’s got SIX people who want to read to him all day!  Benjamin loves to “argue” about who loves who (video of that coming soon!).  He has an awesome sense of humor, and even gets dry humor and subtleties.  He is always surprising us, and keeps us laughing.   Benjamin loves to help Jesse.  He loves to try to help stack wood and do things in the yard for Daddy.  Jesse is a great big brother and they’d be joined at the hip 24/7 if Ben had his choice.  

As far as behavior, there’s been huge progress!  No more “huffs,” with little crossed arms and stomping feet(!!), no more tantrums, no more food issues.  Though we are aware that he isn’t crazy about every food on earth, he no longer expresses his dislike inappropriately.   He sits well through church and other gatherings and gets comfortable on a snuggly lap.  There’s been much progress in the area of telling the truth.  We are still working on many things, and we imagine that, like the rest of us , he will remain far from perfect and “a work in progress.”  We love him so much…and like each precious child under our roof, it is a privilege and real JOY to raise them for God’s honor and glory.

Benjamin’s day to day life consists of his immediate family, and just about nothing else (yet).  We have many people in our life — we visit people and have people visiting us often — but a member of his immediate family is always available and present with Benjamin wherever we are (no exceptions yet).  Bonding, attachment, family identity.. for Benjamin and for every member of our family towards him, are some of our priorities for now, and we believe those are key ingredients –among others– in the foundation we are trying to set for the years to come.  Sometimes I feel like the African moms who strap their babies to their chest 24/7!!  I love it, though.  I feel like I am truly enjoying and reveling in my “new baby,” and it’s a great blessing to see how relaxed, engaging, and affectionate Benjamin’s response is towards us. By God’s grace, we think that mega-bonding –both ways– has happened and continues to happen.  Keeping him with us is only one of many intentional tools we have to accomplish it, but that’s a subject that would be too long for this already-long post!  

Wrapping things up here.. we appreciate any prayers you’ve said for us and Benjamin & all the cards and gifts that he has received in celebration of his adoption.   Things are going super well, and we are grateful.   

For many years I woke up to the grandmotherly voice of Elisabeth Elliot on her radio program, Gateway To Joy.  I devoured her newsletter, and obtained nearly every resource she recommended and every book she wrote.   I remember being shocked when Elisabeth and her daughter Valerie Shepherd, an outstanding mother of eight children (for whom our own Valerie is named), calmly suggested that babies and toddlers could be trained to sit happily during a church service, a wedding, or any event that required a chunk of quiet sitting.  While I was still choking on my coffee, digesting that idea, she added that for generations before us, this was a regular practice and an expected part of good child-training.  Hmm…ok, I’m listening..   

My dear mentor went on to explain how it was done.  While at that time we’d never seen such a thing in person, and doubted that any child from our gene pool could accomplish such a feat.. we decided to give it a go.  At that time, Valerie was 5 or 6 months, and Lydia was 2 1/2.  

In a very short time, Rich & I began to enjoy the freedom of having both parents be able to enjoy a church service or other event (no nursery needed!) the confidence that we could “go anywhere and do anything,” babies happily in tow. A bonus was that it prevented the less pleasant transition period where one decides to all of a sudden train a toddler to sit at age 2, 3, or 4, when it is actually much harder (been there/done that, too–a few times!).

Far more important than the immediate benefits and how it made our lives easier, we think this early training was a big part of forming their tastes.  They were and are engaged, from very early ages.  Because their focus wasn’t on white-knuckling self-control for sitting by age 2, 3, 4.. they could focus and grasp “bigger things” earlier.  

I am not remotely suggesting that this is a required exercise for all who want to be “good parents,” or that children of any age should be sitting with their parents at every event the family attends — we don’t think that.  You can take it or leave this baby sitting thing.  But, for those who want to check it out, I’ll post here an article that Elisabeth Elliot put in her newsletter long ago.  We’ve seen it successfully applied in scores of families over the years.  We also recently found some much better articles on this little subject, and some that also pertain more to training toddlers to sit contentedly.   Different ideas from different families but all helpful to add to the pot.  I’m not going to post them on the blog, but just drop me a line if you’d like a copy.  

A Baby Can Learn To Rest, by Esther Ann Morey

“One of the best things I ever did was start a quiet time with our son when he was about 5 months old (just starting to sit up). I would hold him on my lap and have a quiet time. I gently restricted his movement into a small range by holding his wrists loosely. He could move, but not a whole lot. There we would sit without any entertainment for about 5 minutes, if he was compliant. If he resisted and threw a fit, the five minutes would start after the fit was over. And a fit he did throw! For the first few days he was really mad! He would scream, and I would whisper, ‘Rest,’ and ‘I love you’ in his ear while he took his breath for the next scream. The first few days he would be in a rage for about 20 minutes–an eternity it seemed! After his crying changed from anger to repentance and his movements stopped fighting me, I would start the 5 minutes, whispering encouraging things in his ear from time to time, and then say cheerfully, ‘It’s over! Time to get down!’ After a week or two of doing this almost daily, his crying times got shorter and shorter and then disappeared altogether. His nervous system learned to come to rest. He actually began to ENJOY our quiet time together! I began slowly stretching our quiet time, adding 5 minutes to it each week until I was up to 20 minutes. After that, I could take him anywhere — to church, to gatherings, to presentations — and he would sit quietly and contentedly on my lap. People would comment how lucky I was to have a child that would sit still like that. They thought he was born that way! If they only knew…I believe this was a very beneficial part of our discipline in the first year. Before he knew the meaning of, ‘no,’ he was taught how to ’shut down’ and how to come to rest. It also taught him that what he wants to do sometimes has to be put on hold.” (printed in the Elisabeth Elliot newsletter in the 90’s)

Since bringing Benjamin home, we have been recalling the precious first days.  Here are some precious first memories of Jubilee, our oldest adopted kiddo who joined our family at 4 1/2 in an adoption that was completely unplanned by us, but perfectly planned by God. Jubilee is currently about to turn 13:

**Jubilee realizing, all of a sudden, why I was there with her in Colorado.  She popped her head up out of bed, eyes completely wide open, intensely meeting my gaze.  ”Are you going to be my new Mommy?” she asked.   Words from a very traumatized and confused kiddo who could barely put a sentence together at that point.. this one, I couldn’t avoid.  She was earnest.  I couldn’t give her a for-sure answer because all the legal things were not in my hands.  I didn’t want to promise her anything and be another trauma to her life when it didn’t work out.   I prayed for wisdom real quick.. and answered, “Do you want me to be your new Mommy?”  ”YES!!!!”  I took her hand, said “OK, let’s ask God if I could be your new Mommy,”  and started praying with her that I could be her new mommy.   Four days later, I was able to tell her “God said yes.”   Happy day!  

**Giving Jubilee a baby doll during her our first days together, and teaching her all day in specific ways to nurture it like “a good mommy.”   This went a long way on a number of fronts. 

**Having Jubilee come to me 5 months after joining our family, after a conversation with her sisters about how we named them, saying, “Mommy!  I want a ‘new, special name, too!!!!’”   She got one!

**Having Jubilee inform perfect strangers on a regular basis of every detail of her life, from varying points of view.  We’ve turned some heads and fumbled through some interesting explanations… it wasn’t funny then, but I cherish the memories now.

**Trying to explain the concept of who God is to Jubilee.. she kept saying, “Is He pixie dust?”

**2 AM, bus station in Albany, NY, after at least 15 difficult hours of travel with Jubilee and Josiah:  Jubilee jumps out and runs spread-armed (like the movies) towards Valerie and Lydia.. “LYDIA!!! VALERIE!!!”  They embraced and have been tight ever since.   Praise God.

**Lydia, probably the best big sister on earth.. quietly singing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” with Jubilee as we rode from the bus station to our apartment.  We sat in the dark listening, wondering what the future would hold with these children.  

**We have some adorable videos of Jubilee singing “Wonderful Grace Of Jesus” at the top of her lungs, swinging her blond hair back and forth, at 4 1/2 years old.  This is probably in the top three of my favorite memories of Jubilee.  She knew every verse of it within 1 month of arriving home.  She could not remember that e says “eh”.. for over a year, and she tried so hard.  The brain, and the effects of trauma in a little life, are an amazing thing.  Yet, she learned every verse of at least 20 hymns and some other songs very quickly.  They were a comfort to her and a blessing in so many ways.  Jubilee loved, loved, loved running around the house singing and dancing.  Her jubilant spirit continues to light up our house today in the same way!  She hasn’t lost one bit of her sweetness.  

Those days of our first adoption were actually quite hard because of the way the twins came, the adoption’s unexpected nature, their needs & our inexperience, and many other reasons. In some ways, we didn’t savor the sweetness of things until years later.  God used all of it in our lives greatly over time, all for good, and we are sooo thankful that Jubilee can laugh about being part of our “first adoption experiment.”   When we remember the hard stuff, we are thankful for it, and so thankful that we have these sweet memories of our blond-haired cutie and the precious first days we enjoyed with her.