Thorburn Family

On Ben’s “Signed and Sealed” day, he was given a special quilt and a cute stuffed bear. He named the bear, “Mary,” which is the same name he gave the fish that Valerie recently gave him. Either he is short on creativity, or he is naming these gifts after his fabulous Nevada Social Worker, Mary! We think it’s the latter, and are glad he remembers her, after all she has done in his life. We continue to praise God for the great adoption story He’s given Ben, and for adding him to our family.

Though Benjamin has been “ours” since he arrived home on May 31, 2008.. our adoption finalization was not signed till yesterday in Claremont District Court, family division.  Yay!   He is now officially, to all on earth, “Benjamin Samuel Thorburn,” and his birth certificate will read as though we gave birth to him.   We’re so glad that the day finally came!  Benjamin was given a special stuffed bear and a beautiful quilt by his permanency worker, Darcy.   We were a little sad that Lydia could not join us for this special appointment b/c she is in TX right now, but we did our real celebrations months ago, and she’s with us in spirit.   These pics didn’t transfer to the blog very clearly, but you’ll get the jist. 

December 3, 2005, three years ago today, we first laid eyes on Jesse.   Can it even be only three years?   He was 6 1/2 then .. small for his age, blond, cute. We didn’t know at the airport that night that we were meeting the boy who would, within mere days, be known to us as our next child.  Our family life continues to be a vivid illustration of Proverbs 16:9  ”In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.”  Our adventure was about to continue and we didn’t even know it.

A few months earlier, with absolutely no plans to ever adopt again, we had felt a compulsion to make ourselves available for free respite care for adoptive parents in difficult situations.  As we were in the process of figuring how to actually DO this respite care thing, we met a precious couple from Texas who had rescued three children w/needs from a Russian orphanage one year earlier, including this blond-haired bundle of energy and mischief.  Jesse would visit for a month, we figured, and that was the plan,  But, within a few days of Jesse’s arrival to our home, we knew we were adopting him. The legalities started and we finalized in court six months from his arrival into our home. Proverbs 16:9 all over again!

Jesse has been a real joy — he is a precious, delightful, and strong-hearted son.   We have been greatly blessed by his sense of family identity and loyalty, his infectious sense of humor (see picture :-)), his ability to make any number of unique sounds and noises :), his what-you-see-is-what-you-get personality, his developing strength and skill, and his sheer brightness and passion as a kid.  We love the type of sibling he is, as well.  Jesse deeply desired a brother since arriving here, and he missed his brother from the Texas family immensely. We told Jesse to start praying about a little brother. We are so thankful God gave Jesse his new little brother this year! He cares so well for him, teaches him things, plays well with him, and is a (mostly :)) good example to Ben.

Rich is the perfect father for Jesse.  They “clicked” right away and Rich shared with us later that he’d started praying about Jesse joining our family before we even actually met him, though there were no plans to adopt then. He just couldn’t get him off his mind and believed this was going to be bigger than we planned. Rich has a knack for bringing out the best in Jesse, and for knowing what will be good for him in any area.  I frequently tell Jesse that if he grows up to be anything like his Dad, he will be a great man!   As a mom, having this little boy has given me a different angle on boys and on raising them.   Though Jesse has been through a great deal in his short life, especially during his time in Russia, “winning” him as my son and ministering to his brokenness and difficulty, has come through very different means than “winning” a child in our other adoptions.  I quickly learned that Jesse is blessed most by food :), baking for him, keeping a fairly consistent schedule for him, reading to him, giving simple praise for accomplishments, forgiving/forgetting his “mis-steps,” and simple things like rubbing his back. He’s not too complicated, and he internalizes those simple things as acts of love, which is a blessing to see — we take this resilience & attachment as a gift from God.  

Since joining our family, Jesse has made a working potato cannon, and an enormous plane in our backyard (complete with an old ceiling fan for the propellor), and other cool things. Let’s just say that the day he learned his plane would not actually be able to fly.. was not a good day at our house :). Jesse’s also getting really good at Karate. Every time he tests, he is “promoted,” and it will be fun to see how far he gets with martial arts in years to come. He’s doing well in his school work, too. Jesse’s got a penchant for absorbing history, and he’s just about memorized, word for word, the first volume of Story Of The World, The Ancients, by Susan Wise Bauer, and he’s working on her second volume, Middle Ages. He listens to them over and over again and retells the stories to us frequently.

We praise God for our little man :^), for his amazing life & story, and pray that God will be His help, strength, and salvation for the rest of his days. Thanks for letting me “love on him” a little here.

 Benjamin is a blessed little boy!  He has a wonderful, sweet Social Worker (pretty, too :)) who always thinks he is fantastic (I believe those might be her EXACT words! LOL).   Darcy is Benjamin’s Permanency Worker from our local Division of Children, Youth, and Families. She oversees his adoption for the state of Nevada, coming to our home for a casual visit every month for six months (four down, two to go!!), till we have our court date in a NH court to officially finalize.  During these visits, Benjamin’s goal seems to be to show her how cute and charming his is, and he’s willing to pull out all the stops if necessary.  We are thankful for Darcy and love the way the God has put just the right people on this adoption team!!!!

10 weeks has flown by… but we almost can’t remember what life was like before Benjamin arrived home.  We remember the first time we met him at his school.  A long line of children.. our first glimpse…Benjamin was the last one.. and the smallest… his backpack seemed as big as he!  As we got face to face, he was jumping up and down, all smiles and giggling.. “This is your new Mommy and Daddy,” his worker Mary said..  it was truly a precious meeting.  He turned around and told a whole bunch of people coming up that “this is my new Mommy and Daddy!!!”   He was (and is) a beautiful picture of big, brown eyes and perfect, tiny hands..

In the last 10 weeks, Benjamin has had tons of medical testing… all clear except for some indication that he has hidden allergies.   He’ll be tested for some more specific items soon.  There seems to be no indication that his smallness is due to a metabolic disorder or other problem.  In October, we meet with his Neurodevelopmentalist for his first evaluation & program to address some developmental delays.  However, we already see improvement in speech and other areas.  He’s a lot like Jubilee was.. give him the right day to day activities, structure and attention, sleep and nutrition, and his development will probably come along at lightning speed.

Our boy of 100 smiles a day loves just about everything.. except baths..but that is getting better. :^) Benjamin is crazy about dancing and singing.  When he came, we used to say, “this is a child who LOVES to sing but seems to know NO songs..”  So he would go around making singing noises with no words.. quite interesting, kind of sad…  Of course, we got right on that, and started teaching him songs & hymns.  Loves to wrestle with Daddy and Jesse.. he’s pretty tough!    Loves books!  He’s got SIX people who want to read to him all day!  Benjamin loves to “argue” about who loves who (video of that coming soon!).  He has an awesome sense of humor, and even gets dry humor and subtleties.  He is always surprising us, and keeps us laughing.   Benjamin loves to help Jesse.  He loves to try to help stack wood and do things in the yard for Daddy.  Jesse is a great big brother and they’d be joined at the hip 24/7 if Ben had his choice.  

As far as behavior, there’s been huge progress!  No more “huffs,” with little crossed arms and stomping feet(!!), no more tantrums, no more food issues.  Though we are aware that he isn’t crazy about every food on earth, he no longer expresses his dislike inappropriately.   He sits well through church and other gatherings and gets comfortable on a snuggly lap.  There’s been much progress in the area of telling the truth.  We are still working on many things, and we imagine that, like the rest of us , he will remain far from perfect and “a work in progress.”  We love him so much…and like each precious child under our roof, it is a privilege and real JOY to raise them for God’s honor and glory.

Benjamin’s day to day life consists of his immediate family, and just about nothing else (yet).  We have many people in our life — we visit people and have people visiting us often — but a member of his immediate family is always available and present with Benjamin wherever we are (no exceptions yet).  Bonding, attachment, family identity.. for Benjamin and for every member of our family towards him, are some of our priorities for now, and we believe those are key ingredients –among others– in the foundation we are trying to set for the years to come.  Sometimes I feel like the African moms who strap their babies to their chest 24/7!!  I love it, though.  I feel like I am truly enjoying and reveling in my “new baby,” and it’s a great blessing to see how relaxed, engaging, and affectionate Benjamin’s response is towards us. By God’s grace, we think that mega-bonding –both ways– has happened and continues to happen.  Keeping him with us is only one of many intentional tools we have to accomplish it, but that’s a subject that would be too long for this already-long post!  

Wrapping things up here.. we appreciate any prayers you’ve said for us and Benjamin & all the cards and gifts that he has received in celebration of his adoption.   Things are going super well, and we are grateful.   

 “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.”  Ecclesiastes 3:1 

After a very eventful couple of weeks, it’s time to “gather our skirts, and shut the doors.”  Just for a little while.  You know we all really like the exciting stuff  :0)  The adjustment period for Benjamin is setting in, and he is best served by staying home, limiting visitors and appointments, and simply tending to the basics of being a family.  We cancelled all appointments for this week and got the quilt out!   So, if you don’t see us a while, know that all is well, we are just wrapped up in a blanket together somewhere, probably reading a book or teaching Benjamin songs :-).  

 Joy inexpressible.  Each day our love for Benjamin deepens.  We are so thankful for the children God has given us to raise.  It’s a very precious time and words don’t seem enough. 

They may not look just alike, but they are brothers nonetheless!  The John Deere shirts make it so  :^) 

The last week has been a delightful whirlwind enjoying our precious new addition to the family.  I can’t say our hearts have ever been more full :^)  Benjamin is doing well.  He’s keeping a regular schedule, eating a TON.. loves yogurt and raisins especially.. all healthy stuff.   The amounts he is eating at this point are pretty incredible but he needs it..  He will be 5 yrs old in September but sits below the 5th percentile for height and weight in boys of his age (despite birth parents that are reportedly fairly tall).  He is wearing 2T size for clothing.  On Monday, he will get tested for a variety of things that could contribute to small stature.  He could be so small due to being underfed/malnourished, or a due to a disorder, or both.  Benjamin also sees a dentist this coming week, and next week we will meet w/a special education team to review plans for some specific therapies from which he’ll benefit. Ben is just full of squeals, giggles, hilarious statements, questions, hugs, kisses, and ENERGY! He fits right in with our very active and not-too-quiet family!   This past week, our house has gotten super messy :), things are behind, we are still not fully unpacked.. but we have enjoyed each other immensely and are praising the LORD for all He has graciously done.  We were also blessed by meals from some friends all week, which was a great help. We’ll try to get back to “normal” next week and start our summer schedule on Monday. We’ve got more pictures and possibly some video to post very soon, so check back.Psalm 139: 13-14  ”You knitted me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”   Our greatest desire for Benjamin and all of our children is that they will grow up to know and love the Savior who created them, and ordained every moment of their lives, for His own glory.  <scroll down to read about Samuel Smith who needs your help!  We don’t want his situation to get lost in our adoption posts> 

We arrived home with Benjamin late last night.  Here is a photo from the Manchester airport, where he played with his new race car on their nice, empty floors in the middle of the night!  Everyone is doing well, we are bonding, and just very tired.  We are thankful to the LORD for all He has done.  More soon!